I’m getting a bit middle aged tacky wacky these days. As I go into my far reaches of my forties, I wonder what my fifties would be like, compared to my forties? I never married early in life – although, there’s the dream of someone, which lays way ahead into light years of the future.
I stumble on the bricks of life, thinking? – there’s no cure for a changed man with a hearing loss and a shredded lifestyle that reads like a scene in the movie, “Down and out in Beverly Hills.” Life is sure tacky in ways, when you wish it was all perfected as if it was made in a Hollywood movie. So, senseless and meaningful, it doesn’t feel the same as it did during a childhood dream.
I’ve got two junior high school friends, I’ve not heard from in years, since my days were numbered in the same middle school we attended back in the late 1970’s and early 80’s. Sure they’re on Facebook like everyone else, but, they’ve never friended me into their adult lives.
Sadly enough, you call them “friends” – but, are they really, friends to began with? I miss the interactions and conversations with those, I went to school with during my junior high school years and never to see many of them in your adult life. Perhaps, I was lucky to have enough to have the friends, I had growing up with, rather than schooling with in another neighborhood?
My life was like a war zone in junior high because of the belief’s I had and the ambitions I sought, that were important to address. Having a hearing loss wasn’t the answer, but having friends were – you’d be lucky if you had any from start to finish from middle to high school to college and finally to adult life.
I felt screwed at the end. But, the future held for better things in life. I was lucky enough to have the friends I made growing up and graduating from high school with and those, I graduated with became the life long friends of a lifetime, even into their adult years. Some weren’t so lucky and decided to be idiots instead of something common as friends.
But, life altered history in ways you could have ever imagined. You win or you lose the gamble of having cherished friends from the upbeat of the beginning to the ultimate time of death. Many have taken life for granted and are never forgiven in their quest to become friends.
Those memories are somewhat boxed into history as reflection to begin with. Their amnesty of youth is quite simple, you value the friends you have or you don’t – the outcome is still the same as if you had no friends at all, no matter what they say later in life.
Perhaps, those light years may soon fall upon the morning star and the curiosity of life will lay upon the ranks of life and become a reality?