Throughout the years, life has changed in many ways and means – yesterday, I celebrated my 48th birthday with less fanfare with mostly my folks, no siblings, cousins, friends or the sorts – just the good ole folks, three dogs and myself.
It was just something simple, simple treatment with a simple agenda in the works with a family dinner and playful time with the family dogs, afterwards in my parents back yard on a warm mild summer day – okay, make it cloudy and a threat of rain that actually arrived after I left for the bike ride home. I beat the downpour before it beat me, hooray!
But, there was something that my Mother had said to me, while we were both sitting out on the back patio watching the dogs play tag over an apple from their apple tree in the backyard, she had wished there had been more fanfare than it should’ve been – she had revealed that she wished there had been more fanfare of my birthday with my other family members, such as my cousins and second cousins from her side of the family and more.
But most of all, she had wished that my late Grandfather, Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle were all with us on my special day – but, the buck didn’t stop there either, she had wished and missed living out on the family ranch, my grandparents bought during World War II in Douglas County, Oregon.
The peacefulness and quiet calms of the countryside reminded her of some much needed silence of the Oregon countryside, she and I once lived before moving to the big city in my early years of life.
I spent much of my life without my biological father in my earlier years of life – something she had wished in life, that could have bonded between us in my early years of life, but it never happened. She probably feels the agony that she had done something to make things more merrier to a single child she bore to the gift of life.
I’m sitting here thinking? As I bask into my late forties and nearing my fifties in a couple of years down the road, if the reality of ever meeting my own father would make the merrier of rounds and the sound senses of life between the two of us.
Not, only that she worries, but wonders, if the day will ever come to see the happiness of lost smiles and the joys of a time with my father and I could have spent together, including that with my half brother and any other siblings, I’ve not met as a part of my father’s family namesake and the name I carry of his heritage.
As she said, “if he’s still alive, it would be nice to see you too together,” she said as we continued watching the dogs play and fight over their apples with one another.
A cherished life with many memories in the making, I’ve often dwelled in suspense with life wondering and if the sudden dreams of family members wanting me to see a closed path to a missing chapter in my own life will ever be written into the book of life? Perhaps that’s up to the man upstairs – I can only wonder at this point, until the day actually becomes a reality in my own eyes.