Shockwave – the loss

clock.jpgToday isn’t the brightest day in my life. It’s actually the saddest day of my life.

“Why,” as you my ask? For the first time in my life, I’ve never felt so alone. Yes, alone! Today my Mother passed away into another realm of life and went home to my Grandparents, Aunt and Uncle in a place called, “Heaven.”

For the forsaken bigots of my own insanity, I often wonder, if there is actually a place called “heaven?” Some folks say there is and some say there isn’t – depending on who you ask?

IMAG0328Other family members has absorbed the shock and awe of losing a loved one. But, when it really hits home – your overwhelmed with sorrow, sadness and no sense of direction of where to go or where to lean, especially, when your nearly two-thousand miles away from home and the bulk of your family deals with the tragedy of loving someone you loved for so many years of your life.

I can’t imagine what my Dad is going through having to deal with this alone and not me being there with him in this time of need and sorrow.

Nearly two years ago, I left home after losing the house, that my late-grandfather had cherished to leave me with a roof over my head of a lifetime.

For the death of me, my Mother was eager to see me after nearly those two years away from home, since the day I left home. But, time ran out. The clock stopped. Perhaps, I waited too long? Literally, I feel I blew the chance?

When I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2017, My Mother wanted to be by my side every minute of the way during time I was in the hospital, on an unrelated medical issue following my diagnoses of Cancer.

Now with her gone – I ask myself, “how will I absorb life without her?” This agony feeling is something is something that really “hit’s,” close to home. I think I can understand how my Cousin’s felt when they were kids losing their Dad and later in life as they grew up, their Mother as well.

mom.jpgIt’s truly, remarkable how life works on this planet, we call Earth. Heaven seems to be the reality of life in a place, “far, far away in the deep reaches of space,” as they say.

This blog article is dedicated to my beloved Mother of fifty-three years, late Aunt and Uncle and to my Grandparent’s whom all have passed on. Somehow, I know she’s likely in a better place and healed of the pains she suffered while here, as she was a strong fighter and tough as nails women her entire life.

I love and miss you Mom, somehow I know you’ll be able to read this from wherever you are at peace in eternity.