Category Archives: Daily Dish

Shockwave – The void


writing-desk-santiago-chileIt’s intimidating enough, the void’s of life have changed the name of the game.

Every since, my Mom passed away, those void’s haven’t been holding up well, even though, it has hit my father hard as his life has been completely changed by the recent events of my Mother’s passing of the torch to the lights of heaven and its holy grace at the gates.

Life for us both has been saturated and bestowed in agony and loneliness, as we live on opposite sides of the country.

With dreams now shattered to shreds, not knowing what life would’ve been like, if my Mother hadn’t passed away and I had the loving chance of seeing her personally over the upcoming holiday’s, after being away from home for nearly two-years. She would’ve been thrilled, as, if I were just returning home from deployment in the Military.

The change of time, space and fading memories came sooner, than, one had ever thought possible in life. “There’s sense,” some day – “life will bring us back as one, as we leave this world for the new life elsewhere in the heaven’s,” as my Dad would say in our daily conversations with one another. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in the “holy spirit of paradise.” Something, I’ve yet to understand?

I’m neither mad at life, nor, am I mad at God or the heaven’s. “It’s a way of life, as we live our lives here on Earth, has God created and gave us in his beloved Son Jesus,” the bible says.

“It’s, all that matter’s in life,” as I continue to process and understand the ways of life as I grow older away from home. I feel bolder, than, feeling grumpy with sadness and sorrow, while life has changed into a new chapter – which still needs to be written into the books of life. “A bumpy road,” yes, which yet to be seen without the fortune-telling of events, yet to be seen in the future years to come.

It’s been years, since, I’ve read the Bible and the creation’s of life in which God created for us all. I’ve dealt with loved one’s who have passed on in the past, but non of them has hit me as hard as My Mother’s recent death. As I said earlier, I feel “bold and calm,” as my Mother passed away, but life’s changes will be harder to muster as my Dad and I deal with the loss of a dear love and spiritual person in our lives for many years.

The memories of my Mother still flash across my eyes, as I go on with life here on Earth, as she lives free of pain and suffering from the heaven’s and beyond.

It seem’s like this is “Chapter Two – the new beginning?”.

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Shockwave – Sadness never stops


blogpix3.jpgAs I continue my “Shockwave Series,” while dealing with the passing of my Mother almost two week ago from last Sunday. I’ve stumbled away from work at my regular job, as, I continue to evaluate and process the ordeal of losing a beloved family member, whom, I’ve been entirely close too for many years – fifty-three years to be exact from childhood to adulthood.

I routinely sit at my desk on a daily basis, as I write and work on resurrecting some old writing projects that have been put on hold over the past few weeks, few months to a few years, all while, I look at picture from Christmas 2012 of my late Mother, which is a background on my computer screen of my laptop.

The harsh realities of life are so unreal that, I often think it’s only a dream? I’ve yet to wake up to see, if it is the real deal or not, obviously, it’s the real moniker of life!

The sadness of grief, the solid liquids of steel, as the seasonal likes of Fall start’s to settle into the Midwest, life isn’t yet taken for granted. But, lives in amazement with daring puzzles to be solved with the revealing likes of Sherlock Holmes, Thomas Sullivan Magnum or novelist turned private detective, Richard Castle, well all looking to find the answers to one of life’s most daring puzzles.

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Life runs like a spring rushing from the famed Colorado or Snake River’s, it’s refreshing to hear familiar sounds of water rushing down the paths of the empty canyon’s, creek and rivers. Many have never seen in these famed canyon’s in their lifetimes – the high canyon’s dwell rich history of ancestry of America’s pastime, since the last great battle of General Custer and his men at Little Big Horn, Montana in 1876.

Forever in the hearts of those that loved and cherished the friendship, comfort and companionship of my Mother, life is still deluged with mysteries of the unknown, rather it’s on Earth or in Heaven, the truth is to be told that the memories live forever in the hearts of those that were touched forever, perhaps, that’s the truth, “the mystified truth of life.”

The sadness and sorrow never stops, but the healing of faith is just starting with a new beginning in store for life.

Shockwave – the day after


heaven-newearthI’m trying to cast some light of what all has transpired since, my Mother passed away early yesterday morning.

The surreal of shock in a way, I’ve probably felt, once before, when my late-grandfather passed away in the early 1990’s? – “the spiritual jolt of life.”

As for yesterday, things seem to not have hit me like it did, when my grandfather passed? I keep asking myself, “why?” How could it be possible not to receive the same magnitude of spiritual or paranormal power, the body has once experienced in the past, while the passing of another family member who died some years earlier?

Perhaps, this was a different magnitude of strength – spiritually? Nor was it something less powerful, than, that of my grandfather? Life is bitterly strange at least to say.

Perhaps – its reality? The reality of one’s mindset, the energy and strength between family members and more? Only God would know the answer to that very same question?

It’s an answer, I could not possibly explain while on a wimpy state of mind, all while the pie bakes in the oven of forsaken thought!

“A shock, a magnitude,” the harsh realities of life becomes increasingly insane with “the questions of why.”  “Why me, why now? Why couldn’t be someone else” – but, not those of my immediate family?

I hate to see my Dad going alone of the agony of not having my Mom around the house and the dog’s not having their favorite best friend, to snuggle and cherish their voice to the commands they’re used to hearing during their daily lives as man and women’s best friend.

It saddens me to be away from home, while dealing with my own battles with life and with Cancer. Hoping, that one day – I would be cancer free, not just in the presence of heaven, but on this Earth, the very planet, we dwell and live our lives among God’s universe.

It’s hard to imagine this all took place, a solid couple of days, before the 17th anniversary of September 11th, 2001. A day where the world watched in horror, the tragic events of the World Trade Center attacks in New York and Washington, D.C., at the Pentagon that killed dozen’s of innocent civilians.

I just realized, as I started writing this blog article, the date of infamy was closer – all while forgetting, it was still September.

Somehow, I know for the benevolence of my own mind, she’s in a better place, where pain is free and life is cherished as she would’ve wanted in life here.

Her life here was overwhelmed with the joy’s of being with family and friends, that were close to her, as I grew up in my childhood and adult years of life.

I know, she would’ve wanted to stay around longer to watch my cousin’s kids grow up into smart and decent kids, as well into their adult years, and myself to one day marry and have kids of mine own and to see her grandkids for the dear life she wanted before she even thought about life after death.

These would’ve been her dream. The dream, she always wanted in life.

It makes me wonder how she can see the impossible dream from a far? I guess it comes with the territory of life of watching a loved one cherish into life as they pass on spiritually, if not impossible? How is it possible from heaven?

“…, God’s magical ways of eternal life, from a far…,” go figures!

Shockwave – the loss


clock.jpgToday isn’t the brightest day in my life. It’s actually the saddest day of my life.

“Why,” as you my ask? For the first time in my life, I’ve never felt so alone. Yes, alone! Today my Mother passed away into another realm of life and went home to my Grandparents, Aunt and Uncle in a place called, “Heaven.”

For the forsaken bigots of my own insanity, I often wonder, if there is actually a place called “heaven?” Some folks say there is and some say there isn’t – depending on who you ask?

IMAG0328Other family members has absorbed the shock and awe of losing a loved one. But, when it really hits home – your overwhelmed with sorrow, sadness and no sense of direction of where to go or where to lean, especially, when your nearly two-thousand miles away from home and the bulk of your family deals with the tragedy of loving someone you loved for so many years of your life.

I can’t imagine what my Dad is going through having to deal with this alone and not me being there with him in this time of need and sorrow.

Nearly two years ago, I left home after losing the house, that my late-grandfather had cherished to leave me with a roof over my head of a lifetime.

For the death of me, my Mother was eager to see me after nearly those two years away from home, since the day I left home. But, time ran out. The clock stopped. Perhaps, I waited too long? Literally, I feel I blew the chance?

When I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2017, My Mother wanted to be by my side every minute of the way during time I was in the hospital, on an unrelated medical issue following my diagnoses of Cancer.

Now with her gone – I ask myself, “how will I absorb life without her?” This agony feeling is something is something that really “hit’s,” close to home. I think I can understand how my Cousin’s felt when they were kids losing their Dad and later in life as they grew up, their Mother as well.

mom.jpgIt’s truly, remarkable how life works on this planet, we call Earth. Heaven seems to be the reality of life in a place, “far, far away in the deep reaches of space,” as they say.

This blog article is dedicated to my beloved Mother of fifty-three years, late Aunt and Uncle and to my Grandparent’s whom all have passed on. Somehow, I know she’s likely in a better place and healed of the pains she suffered while here, as she was a strong fighter and tough as nails women her entire life.

I love and miss you Mom, somehow I know you’ll be able to read this from wherever you are at peace in eternity.


cropped-underwood_typewriter1.jpgSome years ago, the laws of life, didn’t seem to matter much in a world, where things were literally turned upside down, nor tilted sideways for that very matter.

“A lunatic thought of sorts,” was likely the simplistic answer I could come with at the time.

These past few weeks, I’ve been leaning toward a few uncanny projects or two or four, that have been sitting on the back burner for quite some time. Some of them are blogs, that have been sitting in the editing que to be rewritten and a short film or two, which, I started working on before I left the Pacific Northwest in late 2017.

Life has changed so much, I rarely have time to sit down and work on those bedeviled pieces of work – even though, I found some manageable time to rewrite and edit this blog piece on a gloomy day where the winter is still pushing forth its wrath in various parts of the country and the Midwest.

Eben though were back to “Spring forward time, once again!”.

I’m still in the Cancer fight, “as treatment seems to be going well has they say,” whenever I visit my oncologist about my ongoing fight and more. So far things are looking good, which gives me some high hopes that I’ll survive the battle – “to the mindset.”

But, there are the dreams and more, that keep things in check and having the time to pursue them is a “challenging as cream cheese and saltines crackers, screw the chicken caesar salad for now,” especially, when things have been looking stale and harsh in the works, as you take on the struggles of life, work, family, friends and more, all while establishing something new from a previous life to a new life elsewhere in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I vigorously miss the great divide of the Pacific Northwest, as life here in the heartland seems to be pushed into the harsh realities of life away from home.

pexels-photo-926038.jpegIt seems, all while still starting anew – It all seems like a scene taken out of the Neil Simon Broadway Play, “Chapter Two,” which, was later made into a motion picture with Actor James Caan and Marsha Mason, playing the leading roles of complete strangers starting a new life together after recent events in each other’s lives.

My drive through live seems so surreal that things don’t seem to change much, but they do as life grow bolder than fresh Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip cookies freshly baked out of a hot oven from a local bakery in town.

With the barbarian’s no longer at the gate, the throne is still looking to be mastered with honor and diversity of wits and luck as life continues anew in the heart of the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Perhaps it’s what the doctor ordered? “Five cents please,” as “Lucy” would say to Ole “Charlie Brown,” as he figures out the ages of life, while leaning toward Lucy and her makeshift advice stand along the grassy corner street near their homes’.

Perhaps, that’s a wrap?.