Category Archives: Grief, Sorrow and Loss

“Jelly Beans in life”


il_340x270-1319978492_hfi1I got the jelly beans of wondering where life would lead me this time around? This week made a major turning point in realizing the meaning of life as my Cancer battle began two years ago.

For the first time in my entire life, I’m really alone without the most productive springboard in life – My Loving mother, who penned on leaning on a promise in life that she’d be there in life as a “big supportive player in all the major steps,” I’ve walked in through this entire earth, as she lived her life to the final days of her life’s ever ending battles of her own struggles with life.

“Mother knows best” as they say, “Father knows best” as when it comes to the father’s side of things. The meaning runs true as if you were watching the classic 1950’s television show, “Father knows best.” The same game plan, the same scenario with a twist to the motherly side of things, as if the show was written to the mother’s side of things in the family.

il_340x270-1319978492_hfi1With hope, strength, courage still riddled into my morals of life, the beat continues to beat to the songs and chants of life. I’m not entirely opposed to chasing life entirely on my own – even though I’m well into my early fifties as the second chapter of life in my book of life is written into stone and fine-tuned into the stalls of life.

Perhaps? The second chapter of life as you grow well into your next fifty years into your 100-year Centurian mark of life, you’ve struggled with the accomplishment of achievements you made during your entire life without the gaps of failures tramping across the horizon and ricocheting across the pond negatives before they became the crown jewels of positive achievements.

My springboarding to achieve the goals in life is to achieve them in the best possible way that I can work them into the great voids of futuristic positives and assure my entire moral of life that can be attested to the right outcomes in life, rather than the false negative that can throw the entire game plan out into the entire playing field of drift, agony, intolerance and more the leads those positive achievements into the falsehoods dire consequences and the good vibes never get written onto the headstone over my elegant dead body if my likelihood never beats the fight of Cancer and the greatest achievements in life.

As I said before, “Chapter Two,” is only now being written into the harden stone tablets atop the highest mountain peak that oversees the vast iconic valleys and towering Noble and Douglas fir tree’s that tower the great region of the Pacific Northwest from all angles of the “Lewis and Clark Trail” to the north along the Columbia Gorge near Portland, Oregon, to the wagon ruts of the “Applegate Trail” to the Southern tip of the bordering states of Southern Oregon and Northern California, the story continues to be written until the end of time.

Until then, “that’s a wrap!” – until we meet again on the same Bat Channel, same bat time (who knows when?) and remember a “writer writes always!”

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Battle cries

il_340x270-1319978492_hfi1Life has to be simple – simple enough as it could lead to good things and good fortunes of justifiable eternity. “How do we get to the credibility to justify the true credibility of thought?” – “there’s no particular answer to the very question,” says an old friend, even though we must look for the correct answer as we follow our path through the journey’s of life.

I have “the hope, the courage and the strength to foresee the great ends of the battle,” which could very likely lead me to a better a better existence in life with the dreams and passions I’ve carried through out my entire life.

I still struggle with daily with Cancer as a human being, all while trying to make a better life for one’s self, “it’s war” as I once said, to a friend in the Pacific Northwest. It’s never easy trying to win a war with a disease you’ve never dealt with in your entire life. – a completely different animal.

It’s “the bravery, the courage and the strength,” that makes the numbers work in magical wonders to succeed in the righteous travels to “yellow brick road.” It may not be Kansas or Iowa, but somewhere on Earth as the heaven’s spiral above the horizons of our universe – the answer lies within the darkside of the good deeds of the heavenly heavens.

An old Junior High School friend recently told me, “that I had more love and support from those than I ever thought possible,” evidently she was right to begin with as one of my mode swings went into full disclosure mode a few weeks ago when I was getting into a case of lowdown’s.

“I still seek my answers and its forethought’s on life. Its just a matter of time, indeedly to say.”

Shockwave – The void

writing-desk-santiago-chileIt’s intimidating enough, the void’s of life have changed the name of the game.

Every since, my Mom passed away, those void’s haven’t been holding up well, even though, it has hit my father hard as his life has been completely changed by the recent events of my Mother’s passing of the torch to the lights of heaven and its holy grace at the gates.

Life for us both has been saturated and bestowed in agony and loneliness, as we live on opposite sides of the country.

With dreams now shattered to shreds, not knowing what life would’ve been like, if my Mother hadn’t passed away and I had the loving chance of seeing her personally over the upcoming holiday’s, after being away from home for nearly two-years. She would’ve been thrilled, as, if I were just returning home from deployment in the Military.

The change of time, space and fading memories came sooner, than, one had ever thought possible in life. “There’s sense,” some day – “life will bring us back as one, as we leave this world for the new life elsewhere in the heaven’s,” as my Dad would say in our daily conversations with one another. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in the “holy spirit of paradise.” Something, I’ve yet to understand?

I’m neither mad at life, nor, am I mad at God or the heaven’s. “It’s a way of life, as we live our lives here on Earth, has God created and gave us in his beloved Son Jesus,” the bible says.

“It’s, all that matter’s in life,” as I continue to process and understand the ways of life as I grow older away from home. I feel bolder, than, feeling grumpy with sadness and sorrow, while life has changed into a new chapter – which still needs to be written into the books of life. “A bumpy road,” yes, which yet to be seen without the fortune-telling of events, yet to be seen in the future years to come.

It’s been years, since, I’ve read the Bible and the creation’s of life in which God created for us all. I’ve dealt with loved one’s who have passed on in the past, but non of them has hit me as hard as My Mother’s recent death. As I said earlier, I feel “bold and calm,” as my Mother passed away, but life’s changes will be harder to muster as my Dad and I deal with the loss of a dear love and spiritual person in our lives for many years.

The memories of my Mother still flash across my eyes, as I go on with life here on Earth, as she lives free of pain and suffering from the heaven’s and beyond.

It seem’s like this is “Chapter Two – the new beginning?”.

Shockwave – Sadness never stops

blogpix3.jpgAs I continue my “Shockwave Series,” while dealing with the passing of my Mother almost two week ago from last Sunday. I’ve stumbled away from work at my regular job, as, I continue to evaluate and process the ordeal of losing a beloved family member, whom, I’ve been entirely close too for many years – fifty-three years to be exact from childhood to adulthood.

I routinely sit at my desk on a daily basis, as I write and work on resurrecting some old writing projects that have been put on hold over the past few weeks, few months to a few years, all while, I look at picture from Christmas 2012 of my late Mother, which is a background on my computer screen of my laptop.

The harsh realities of life are so unreal that, I often think it’s only a dream? I’ve yet to wake up to see, if it is the real deal or not, obviously, it’s the real moniker of life!

The sadness of grief, the solid liquids of steel, as the seasonal likes of Fall start’s to settle into the Midwest, life isn’t yet taken for granted. But, lives in amazement with daring puzzles to be solved with the revealing likes of Sherlock Holmes, Thomas Sullivan Magnum or novelist turned private detective, Richard Castle, well all looking to find the answers to one of life’s most daring puzzles.


Life runs like a spring rushing from the famed Colorado or Snake River’s, it’s refreshing to hear familiar sounds of water rushing down the paths of the empty canyon’s, creek and rivers. Many have never seen in these famed canyon’s in their lifetimes – the high canyon’s dwell rich history of ancestry of America’s pastime, since the last great battle of General Custer and his men at Little Big Horn, Montana in 1876.

Forever in the hearts of those that loved and cherished the friendship, comfort and companionship of my Mother, life is still deluged with mysteries of the unknown, rather it’s on Earth or in Heaven, the truth is to be told that the memories live forever in the hearts of those that were touched forever, perhaps, that’s the truth, “the mystified truth of life.”

The sadness and sorrow never stops, but the healing of faith is just starting with a new beginning in store for life.